the art of leading

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Your ideas will face opposition in any field of life. Do you want to prove to your boss why you deserve that raise? Do you want to convince that friend of yours to lend you the money you need to start your dream business? Then you need to get those ideas heard and supported. How do you do that? By knowing how to argue. Here are some tips on how to argue.

1. State your objective. Some arguments start out of nothing, and have no purpose other than just ‘winning’. When you state your objective for arguing, you make it clear for yourself and the other party what the discussion is about. If you are honest in doing this, it also shows genuinity
2. Be concise. Most people don’t appreciate others going on about irrelevant details.
3. Be nice. I don’t mean “smile at all moments” type of nice, but at least don’t make others hate you. Don’t try to force the other party to like you, but don’t make it hard for them either.
4. Exude confidence. It’s much easier for people to listen to others who are sure of themselves and who believe in their positions. This also transmits credibility, and being perceived as honest is essential to prevail in an argument.
5. Know when to stop arguing. Don’t ramble about unnecessary or irrelevant details. State your case, and close. Going on after you’ve made your point could just make you unlikeable.

Categories : Communication, Negotiation, Persuasion // Add Comment »

Common wisdom and tradition suggest, roughly, the following steps when negotiating:

 

1. Divide the issue into manageable portions or sub-issues.

 

2. Among those sub-issues, find common ground.

 

3. Concentrate your efforts on finding solutions to those specific issues that were found in the common ground.

 

4. Choose the preferred alternative.

 

There is nothing wrong with this approach. In fact, it’s a very savvy way to go about in negotiating something. The basic principle behind this approach is that “together we can make a difference”. In other words, that the key to solving a dispute is to focus on what unites the parties, instead of what divides them.

 

Find un-common, not common, ground

 

What is often overlooked, though, is the difference in interest-level among different issues. I’m not referring here to the difference in postures regarding one particular issue. What I’m talking about is the difference in the values that each party assigns to specific topics. Let me explain.

 

Normally, negotiations cover a range of issues simultaneously. The nature of negotiations will require that one party concede some things in order to obtain others. The objective of each party, of course, is to have their way on most of those issues.

 

People assign different values to different things

 

But human nature and experience points to the fact that both sides won’t assign the exact same value and importance level to the exact same issues. One party will grant more importance to some topics than to others. And, that same party won’t care as much about some other topics.

 

So what is the significance of this small, obvious, but sometimes overlooked fact?

 

Well, feelings can provide for pretty good negotiation chips. Giving the benefit of the doubt on each issue to the party that most strongly feels about each particular issue will give you some leeway in getting something in return.

 

The key is to solve each “special high-interest” issue in favor of the party that most strongly feels about it. That way, each party achieves a “victory” without the negotiation being a zero-sum game, where one side loses when the other wins.

 

Get the other side to concede

 

The opposing party will be more willing to concede on an issue that is not too high on its priority list than if it was a very important issue for him or her. On the other side of the coin, if you granted that relatively insignificant (for you) chip, you may have created an opportunity to receive another chip in return that, while not too important for the opponent, is very important to you.

 

Granted, this is an oversimplified explanation. Many factors beyond the scope of this article will complicate things, making it difficult to settle a negotiation just by using this tactic. But many sub-issues of a negotiation will be more easily settled by seeking these “interest-level” opportunities.

 

So what changes would I make to the traditional negotiation steps?

 

Not many, just #2 and #3, as follows:

 

1. Divide the issue into manageable portions or sub-issues.

 

2. Among those sub-issues, find differences between the parties in terms of interest level toward each sub-issue.

 

3. Concentrate your efforts on finding solutions to those specific issues in which the interest level between parties varied.

 

4. Choose the preferred alternative.

 

Happy Negotiation!

Categories : Negotiation // 3 Comments »

Leadership covers many areas, but I can’t cover every single one. For that reason, I’ll start posting, now and again, different posts and articles from other websites and blogs that I believe contribute in one way or the other to the development of leadership skills. They’ll be useful, I hope, for most people most of the time.

This is not to say, though, that the main source of information in The Art of Leading won’t continue to be original material that I write myself. I just hope that the site is enriched and complemented by other material.

So here is the first. An article was posted over at Lifehacker that gives negotiation tips that pet-owners may use when looking for a place to rent. Negotiation is definitely a tremendously important skill for all leaders to develop, and this article may get some points through. It’s called Apartments and pets - how to make it work. Hope you enjoy.

Categories : Negotiation // Add Comment »

Amiable people are the so-called “nice guys”. Women like them as husbands, not one-night stands. That’s not bad, mind me. I’m a “nice guy” myself. But there are ways to be more effective with them:

1. Focus on people’s feelings - They want to make people happy. They base many of their decisions on the impact they will have on people, not necessarily on the bottom line as drivers do. Emphasize, then, how your proposal will make that happen.

2. Give them one option - Amiable people need to find consensus. It follows that if they need to find consensus on more than one option, they’ll take more time and feel more confused doing so. By narrowing down the options, they don’t need to balance so many people’s feelings.

3. Give them time - Amiable people want to be liked by everyone. Therefore, they want to find common ground between everyone who is involved in the decision, so that most are happy. This translates into their need to find consensus, and consensus takes time.

Categories : Communication, Goals, Negotiation, Personal Development, Proactivity, Relationships // Add Comment »

They want to dominate. They want to control. They are the “drivers”. You’ll have to deal with them in the most effective manner if you want to be the outstanding leader you strive to be. There are four tactics you should employ when dealing with them:

1. Concentrate on the bottom line - When trying to persuade them, emphasize the concrete details. How much money will it cost? How many widgets will be manufactured? These people aren’t all that interested in mushy feelings and about the opinions of others. They may sometimes be tactless, but you’ll just have to brush it off and learn how to confront them.

2. Get to the point - This is sort of an extension of #1: Forget about trying to persuade drivers by first covering irrelevant touchy-feely stuff. Just approach them straight out about what you want to talk about without too much of an introduction.

3. Give them options - First clarify what YOU want. Then formulate options which all cater to what you want, and present them. This way they’ll feel like they’re being given the power to have the last word. This leads us to #4:

4. Let them decide - Drivers want to feel powerful. Letting them decide makes them feel that way. The catch is, you need to make them decide what you want them to decide. That’s what persuasion is all about. You do that by applying #3: giving different options that are all O.K. with you.

Categories : Communication, Negotiation, Personal Development, Proactivity, Relationships // Add Comment »

We all know them. They’re the ones that make themselves be heard by the volume of their voice or by the sheer amount of talking they do. A true leader knows how to get into their brains and influence them by playing to the following characteristics and habits that are typical of Expressive people:

1. They talk a lot - The actual word “expressive” gives you an idea of what they are like. They like to talk. Sometimes, in fact, they don’t know about the appropriateness of what they’re expressing, so they talk some more. As a leader you need to make people comfortable, so let these people talk. They’ll trust you more because of it.

2. They focus on emotions - I don’t know why this is true. All I know is that you can’t count on presenting too much facts to them when trying to influence them. Appeal to emotions. Expressives will register them much better than details, and if you make them like what they feel (emotions, of course), you’ll be a better leader to them.

3. They focus on images - This is sort of an extension of #3,but now I’m talking about method. One of the most effective, and practical, ways of creating emotions is through storytelling. Stories are, if well told, full of crisp and rich images that can be played in the minds of an expressive people. Take advantage of that and become an avid storyteller when trying to influence them.

4. They look for popularity and recognition - Frequently, perhaps subconsciously, they actively seek popularity. So, if you’re results-oriented and care more about seeing your vision as a leader fulfilled than getting recognized in the short term, then grant it to them. Make that person feel like the answer came out of them, so they can rejoice in their newly increased popularity.

Categories : Communication, Goals, Negotiation, Recognition, Relationships // 1 Comment »

Analytical people are those that need to think long and hard about every decision they make before they finally make it. There’s nothing wrong with that, but as a true leader you need to know how to get to them if you want to influence them.

They want four main things to make them feel O.K. about making the right decision:
1. Answers - These people are great questioners, so you need to be prepared to answer.

2. Facts - Their analytical minds want to base their decisions on facts, not mushy emotional stuff. Give them what they want.

3. Options - By nature, an analytical process frequently contains more than one option so that a comparison can be done. Giving them multiple options assures this process.

4. Time - This is perhaps the most important. They need time to make the decisions that they’ll be confident about. Obviously time may be tight, but try to grant them this space so that they’re able to complete their mental process.

Categories : Communication, Confidence, Mentorship, Negotiation, Personal Development, Proactivity, Relationships // 1 Comment »

Persuasion, which is what leadership centers on, many times takes place in a negotiation environment. Each time you persuade your counter-party to do something, you may be considered to have achieved a victory for you or your organization. The best situation to be in and strive for is the one where all parties have “won” in their own ways. This is something that Stephen Covey, in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and Roger Fisher and William Ury, in Getting to Yes, talk about expansively. Covey calls it the “win-win or no-deal” philosophy.

But still, there are moments where leaders may be advised to grant less importance to “winning” than normal. I’m not saying you should necessarily lose on purpose, but under these circumstances, losing may not be totally negative. These are the moments that I consider to be the most appropriate for “losing”:

1. Relationship is more important than the issue - Do not fight your victory when the loss of the relationship with the counter-party is bigger than that victory. You may get to enforce that contract with your client through litigation, but that may mean the loss of your biggest client in the future. After all, leadership is based on relationships.

2. Winning will require you to violate your principles and values - Principled negotiation is not utopian. I believe that it is very possible indeed to win in a negotiation while still maintaining the basic principles you value the most in your life. If you have to violate your own integrity to win, it’s best not to.

3. Losing here will help you win later in a more important issue - Negotiations normally contain more than one issue, depending on their complexity. Carefully weigh the relevance of each one, and decide if “losing” on one will give you leverage to “win” on a more significant one.

4. You just don’t care - This may be a dangerous situation. What is irrelevant to you may be relevant to someone else. But if the stakes involved are close to meaningless and there are more important things to think about, you have to consider the possibility of conceding. Fighting just for dignity when it isn’t worth it frequently creates an irrational and emotionally charged environment.

5. When it becomes apparent that no fair solution will be reached - More than losing the negotiation, this may be seen as not negotiating at all. The reason I included this is because sometimes mutual defeat for both parties is pretty certain from the beginning. In this case, just don’t waste your time.

Categories : Communication, Failure, General Leadership, Goals, Negotiation, Relationships // 2 Comments »