the art of leading

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Persuasion, which is what leadership centers on, many times takes place in a negotiation environment. Each time you persuade your counter-party to do something, you may be considered to have achieved a victory for you or your organization. The best situation to be in and strive for is the one where all parties have “won” in their own ways. This is something that Stephen Covey, in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and Roger Fisher and William Ury, in Getting to Yes, talk about expansively. Covey calls it the “win-win or no-deal” philosophy.

But still, there are moments where leaders may be advised to grant less importance to “winning” than normal. I’m not saying you should necessarily lose on purpose, but under these circumstances, losing may not be totally negative. These are the moments that I consider to be the most appropriate for “losing”:

1. Relationship is more important than the issue - Do not fight your victory when the loss of the relationship with the counter-party is bigger than that victory. You may get to enforce that contract with your client through litigation, but that may mean the loss of your biggest client in the future. After all, leadership is based on relationships.

2. Winning will require you to violate your principles and values - Principled negotiation is not utopian. I believe that it is very possible indeed to win in a negotiation while still maintaining the basic principles you value the most in your life. If you have to violate your own integrity to win, it’s best not to.

3. Losing here will help you win later in a more important issue - Negotiations normally contain more than one issue, depending on their complexity. Carefully weigh the relevance of each one, and decide if “losing” on one will give you leverage to “win” on a more significant one.

4. You just don’t care - This may be a dangerous situation. What is irrelevant to you may be relevant to someone else. But if the stakes involved are close to meaningless and there are more important things to think about, you have to consider the possibility of conceding. Fighting just for dignity when it isn’t worth it frequently creates an irrational and emotionally charged environment.

5. When it becomes apparent that no fair solution will be reached - More than losing the negotiation, this may be seen as not negotiating at all. The reason I included this is because sometimes mutual defeat for both parties is pretty certain from the beginning. In this case, just don’t waste your time.

Categories : Communication, Failure, General Leadership, Goals, Negotiation, Relationships //